Hypocrite in the House

I went to see a show called, “The Music of Michael Jackson” on Saturday at the National Arts Centre. It was a show celebrating Michael Jackson, where the conductor rearranged his music in a different way to unite the orchestra and rock band with some guy who represented MJ as the singer and dancer. It was a great show. My friend and I both got student rush tickets – meaning we paid $12 each for seats that were normally sold for above $100. To top it off, we got seats in the box lodge – the best seats in the house. So we got there on time and in the box lodge, there are only two rows, two seats each. We were in the second row.

The people who were supposed to have the seats in front of us hadn’t arrived by the time the stage manager welcomed us and introduced the show. So seeing this as a great opportunity, I urged my friend to move up into the front row with me. Now we could see even better. I didn’t want to waste the nice seats in front of us, especially if the people weren’t going to come. So we took them. It was great. We were about two feet closer to the musicians and we could even hold onto the balcony and that’s next level. Sometime during the first half of the show, two people came into the box lodge and sat behind us. I looked back, and realized that they were probably the people who were supposed to be in the seats we were in but they came late.

During the intermission, my friend looked at me as if to say, “Um… shouldn’t we tell them we took their seats?” I shook my head and shrugged, “No, it’s rude of them to come late. Too bad”. To me, I didn’t do anything wrong. They came after the show started so those seats were fair game. They gave up the rights to those seats when they didn’t show up at 8pm. I am not moving. Plus, we’re shorter. If we switched seats, then we wouldn’t be able to see everything anymore. Their tall bodies and heads would be in the way and ruin the show for us (there were parts during the concert where we were standing, so we would have definitely been blocked). Even more, the people never said anything – they didn’t tap me on the shoulder to ask me if I took their seat by mistake (FYI - no, it was not a mistake). They didn’t do or say anything to show they were upset, so I refused to feel bad. If you don’t stand up for yourself then I’m not going to offer to move. If they asked, I would have moved. But they didn’t, so I had nothing to feel bad about – or so I thought.

After the show, my friend and I were walking to get some gelato and we talked about what happened. I kept giving her reasons as to why I didn’t feel bad and she kept telling me that she still felt wrong and bad about it. It’s funny because I knew she wouldn’t say anything to the people behind us because she’s shy. I think she expected me to do something about it – to return the seats to their rightful owners for that show.

I thought about it that night. Yes, part of me did feel bad and I knew that she was right. However, it felt good to have those front row seats in the box lodge. I was greedy. I already had a great deal in getting cheap tickets in one of the best seats, but when tempted with even better seats, I couldn’t resist. Then it hit me. Say I was shop lifting in a store and the owner saw me but didn’t say anything because I looked scary and they didn’t want to mess with me. If they let me leave their store with something that didn’t belong to me then I’m still a thief. It’s still wrong. So fine; I was wrong. I should have offered to give the seats back and if they were willing to let us short people enjoy the show then it would be okay.

It’s funny because my friend knows that I am a Christian and one time she asked me if it prevents me from doing what I want to do. I told her no – I don’t want to kill anybody, I don’t want to cheat, so everything’s cool. But she caught me stealing, so clearly something’s up. Being a Christian isn’t about being perfect. People look at us and criticize us for being hypocrites because we tell people they are wrong and point the finger when we also fall into sin. And that’s exactly why we need Jesus. If we were perfect, Christians wouldn’t need Jesus to die for our sins. We accept that Jesus died for our sins because we know that we are sinners. We do bad things all the time – just like how I stole those seats. I even got my friend to steal them with me, and took advantage of her timid-ness to keep those seats. I’m a bad influence. I manipulate my friends. So that’s why I need Jesus even more. I still sin. Even after knowing that Jesus died for me and his love is all I need for me to be happy, I still forget. I am still easily tempted by things that Satan knows is my kryptonite.

A friend I met at small group told me yesterday that people watch us. That’s part of why I was so afraid to let people know that I am a Christian. I was afraid that they would judge me and point out my flaws. I was afraid of finding out that I’m still a bad person, and even worse – I proclaim to be someone who wants to love others but I still do things that hurt. Once people know that I am a Christian, they will watch and point out the times I fall on my face. Then I will cry and they will say, “See. You are a hypocrite. See. You’re just as bad as I am”.

It is still true that my faith in Christ doesn’t mean I can't do what I want to do. I try my best to do what I think is right, but sometimes I fall too and listen to the evil voice that disguises itself in excuses. The consequence of this is that when I realize what I’ve done – then I am reminded that I am a sinner. Knowing that God still loves me is what brings me back to try and stop sinning - to be good again. I am sorry that I’m not perfect, that I let my God down and that I am not a “perfect Christian”. There is no such thing as a perfect Christian. We are all flawed.

Someone once told me this; when you point the finger at someone, there are always three pointing back at you.


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This is for you: Thinking Shoes, by Braille - Lyrics here

This is for me: Exile Dial Tone, by Beautiful Eulogy - Lyrics here